she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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