I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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