so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
there's paper in my vomit.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
