coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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