3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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