I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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