finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize