The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
