News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize