Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
