I'm drive I can fine osifer
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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