He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
