Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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