Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
