We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
