I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
