wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
