Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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