one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
