Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
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My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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