my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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