I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
