and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize