I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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