Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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