Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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