she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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