So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
