she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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