so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
