ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
