Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
