her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
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