I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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