he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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