Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
