So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
