she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
