She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
