I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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