Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
