anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
