Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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