apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
