shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
