Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
