When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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