i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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