My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
