Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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