A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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