Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
