nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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