The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize