i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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