Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
