so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
