I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
