I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
