Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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