I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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