I murdered the dance floor call the cops
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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