Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
