Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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