she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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