cat food counts as protein by the way
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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