i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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