i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
