just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
