You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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