it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I need moral support for this bender
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
