Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
