wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
