Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
