You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
