theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
