I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
