i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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