I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?