Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?