Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just want to make out with him forever