best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
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I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.