can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.