Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

I think I won the penis lottery.

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(310): View more from California

I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.

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(818): View more from California

I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.

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21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(941): View more from Florida

I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.

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(830): View more from Texas

You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy

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(604): View more from British Columbia

She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes

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(208): View more from Idaho

I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.

(208): View more from Idaho

I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.

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